During this time in my life I have realized that I need to place more boundaries with my time and money in order to meet my new goal to become debt free and live to my means.
I used to think setting boundaries was unnecessary and selfish. This idea mainly stemmed from being a people pleaser and perfectionist. This means sometimes I am generous with my time and money at the expense of my own self care. Only in the last year have I truly started to see that when I say yes to things that are not in my best interest I am saying no to myself.
This has been a difficult concept for me because I want to say yes to every single request I get. My weekends would be booked with helping others and I would give money to my family on a regular basis.
This is not to say that you should not be generous. I believe generosity is a rewarding, amazing experience when it is given without restraint or expectation. However when the generosity is not showing yourself respect that is when we need to start setting boundaries. I am realizing that boundaries are a form of self respect and I was not respecting my own time or money. Each person gets to act whatever way they want. If I feel they are taking advantage of me, that is on me. Only I get to decide how I feel. And I feel better when I am free with my time and money including giving generously.
Because I see the value of giving generously without restraint I am realizing that I need to set boundaries for my time and money in order to give with a full heart. I recognized that I was creating resentment and frustration each time I was committing to something that I did not want to do. I have to learn to be ok with disappointing people because there will always be opportunities where we are not meeting expectations. Disappointing others can be difficult for me because I tend to associated my worth with what I can do for someone.
Since reading Present Over Perfect I am learning to associate my worth with who I am instead of what I can do. Reading that book helped me realize that my worth is predetermined and there is no task I can do to be worthy of love. This was life changing for me because realizing that I am worthy no matter the circumstances helps me pause before I say “Yes”.
The people you are saying no to may get upset or frustrated or they may completely understand. It is important to remember when setting boundaries that we do not cause other people to feel any particular way. It is not up to us to make others feel better, just as it is not up to others to make ourselves feel better.
The idea that you can’t fill from an empty cup is true. When we fill our own glass up the overflow will be given generously and without resentment. I am guilty of giving my loved ones my left overs and getting frustrated that it wasn’t what they wanted. I want to be present, loving and kind with my family and I cannot do that when I am not taking the time to be whole. Setting boundaries means we are giving our loved ones our whole self instead of the scaps.
Through this journey of setting boundaries I am looking forward to what I will be gaining instead of losing. I want to be able to give my time and money generously and live a debt free life. So for now I will be selfish so my overflow will run to all the ones I love. I hope you can see the value of setting boundaries and how they can help you give more generously.